Frothy Paradise

As you might have noodled out from the title of the above article, it purports to discuss why women seem to love some bands or artists while men hate them, and vice versa. Like so many of these sorts of battle between the sexes-type articles, it’s more or less a load of reductionistic rubbish with some quotes from scientists thrown in to make it look and sound credible.

Here’s the list they give at the end of the article. Let’s play, shall we? My comments in brackets:

ARTISTS THAT WOMEN LOVE BUT MEN HATE

JAMES BLUNT The new Barry Manilow [I would rather be dragged over carpet tacks and dipped in iodine than listen to James Blunt.]

TAKE THAT Safe sex on a stick [See above remark.]

CAT STEVENS The thinking woman’s James Blunt [I guess I’m not a thinking woman, because I have yet to discover a Cat Stevens song that I didn’t think belonged in a pigsty. I mean, “Moonshadow”? Conversely, I dated a guy in college who would listen to “Trouble” literally seven times in a row. (Ok, hold the snide remarks about what this says about my taste in men, please — I’m trying to make a point here.)]

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE It’s all in the hips, apparently, even if he does sound like Michael Jackson [The most deeply talentless fuck working in the industry today, if you ask me.]

JOAN ARMATRADING An original: the mama of confessional balladry [Ok, I’ll give them this one. I do like Joan Armatrading.]

TORI AMOS The female brain in extreme [I literally will not be in the same room with a Tori Amos song. Literally. She actually makes me queasy.]

ALANIS MORISSETTE They say Sir Alex Ferguson learnt the hairdryer treatment from her: sends men fleeing for the hills [I don’t hate her as much as some people seem to, but that’s as far as I’ll go. And there is one song of hers I genuinely like, so half a point for this one.]

SIMPLY RED ‘At least holds out the promise of good sex,’ says one respondent [Wait, there are human beings alive who can stand Simply Red? Huh.]

JANIS JOPLIN Sixties soul icon or overwrought shouter? [Let me put your mind to rest on this one: overwrought shouter. HATE.]

EARLY GENESIS Before they got all serious and jumped to the boys’ side [Genesis? What the FUCK? Who the hell can stand any Genesis, early or otherwise? Are they kidding me?]

ARTISTS THAT MEN LOVE BUT WOMEN HATE

NEIL YOUNG Maverick übergeezer to men; whining Worzel to many a woman [I adore Neil Young so much that his musical output makes me forgive him for supporting Reagan in the 80s. Enough said.]

THE SMITHS Arch chroniclers of the 1980s crisis in masculinity [I not only own every single Smiths album, but can probably sing every word from every song. Adore them.]

AUTECHRE Representing ‘intelligent dance music’: a redundant concept to all but the straight white male [Don’t know them.]

TORTOISE Instrumental postrock: so much better with a beard to stroke [Don’t know them.]

THE HOUSE OF LOVE And other shoegazers of the 1980s. Most women have got enough post-post-adolescent angst at home already [I’m kind of neutral on these guys, but I certainly don’t hate them. If anything, I lean toward like.]

THE FALL The male brain in extreme [see above comment.]

STEELY DAN The male brain in extreme noodle-vision [How the hell can you not like Steely Dan? I’m beginning to think the author of this article is just fucking with us now.]

JOY DIVISION The male brain in meltdown [Ok, they have me on this one, too: I don’t care for Joy Division. But their theory is still shot, because neither does my husband. His comment on them: “The only reason anyone likes Interpol is that they sound like Joy Division, and the only reason anyone likes Joy Division is that Ian Curtis killed himself.”]

GANG OF FOUR The male brain after reading Gloria Steinem [Uh, no. If you don’t like Gang of Four, it’s because you’re lame, not because you lack a Y chromosome. They’re fucking brilliant.]

LED ZEPPELIN The male brain removed from the equation altogether [Not only do I love Led Zeppelin, but I don’t think I’ve ever had a single female friend who didn’t at least like them. Isn’t that kind of the point of Robert Plant?]

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As of right now, the comments to the article seem to side with me, with most of the commenters seeming a bit perplexed about what in the flying hell the author is on about.